I recently shared a post talking about the ways I like to try to keep a positive mindset. It feels strange therefore talking about times when you feel like giving up due to mental health set backs. There is good reason for this post. This blog was designed to share the good, the bad and the ugly of life as a mumpreneur and so I am doing just that. This past week has been really hard and truly testing on my mental health.
THE WORLDS INABILITY TO TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH…..
I don’t know why the human race struggles to share their mental health issues. I am included in this statement although I am trying to break the mould and be more open with my mental health struggles. If I am honest and I look back at my life I can see that I have suffered with mental health issues on and off since my mid teens. The first “experience” suffering with depression was at the age of 16. My cousin died very suddenly and naturally I was very sad but that sadness continued……. for a long time. Likewise when my mum passed away in 2013. Yes, I was grieving but it went far beyond this. In my story I wrote briefly about a near mental break down in 2015/2016.
DO YOU LIVE WHAT YOU BREATHE?
I often wonder just how much influence your genes have on mental health. There are a lot of studies that favour this. My mum suffered with severe depression for at least as long as I remember and I remember a lot of her sad times. Does upbringing play a role? Do you live what you breathe, perhaps? Do hormones play a big part? I don’t know.
MENSTRUAL CYCLE AND MENTAL HEALTH…..
Interestingly, I have noticed some correlation between my menstrual cycle and my mental health. I have noticed that in the two weeks leading up to Aunt Flow visiting I feel very low, irritable and anxious. This is how I have been feeling for more than a good few months. Today I googled feeling depressed in the lead up to menstruation. Google results returned “Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)“. According to Wikipedia PMDD is “a severe and disabling form of premenstrual syndrome affecting 3-8% of menstruating women. The disorder consists of a “cluster of affective, behavioural and somatic symptoms” that recur monthly during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle”.
PREMENSTRUAL DYSPHORIC DISORDER…..
I am feeling somewhat relieved that what I’ve been experiencing has a name. This week has been awful. There has been a dark cloud of sadness crushing down on me with no relief whatsoever. I have found myself in tears over absolutely nothing. Self doubt has been in full swing and I haven’t been able to concentrate of anything other than feeling sad and helpless. Sleeping has been really difficult, more so that normal. Usually I can’t sleep because my kids keep me awake but this last week I have been suffering with insomnia. It takes me hours to fall asleep no matter how tired I have been and just like that it’s time to wake up. The simplest of decisions have been extremely hard to make and most decisions have been abandoned. My mood has been explosive and probably completely irrational and parenting has felt almost impossible.
Naturally, I googled what help is available. Most forms of medication include hormone treatment of some kind. I can’t take any hormone treatment in the form of contraceptives and the like due to high risk of stroke and brain haemorrhage thanks to family history. That doesn’t leave me with a lot of options. Antidepressants are not something I want to dabble with. Talking therapies are also recommended but I tried therapy once before and it just wasn’t for me. I have found some herbal alternatives such as St Johns Wort and 5HTP but I need to take a closer look at these and their safety. So for now that leaves me with learning some coping strategies and mechanisms. I do plan on visiting my GP to talk about what is going on and maybe he has some other alternative ideas on this. I don’t plan on doing this alone and I’ve already broken the silence by talking to my husband. And, of course I am sharing this with you now too.
THE POINT OF THIS POST…..
I am not sure what the point of this post really is but mental health is part of my journey, a journey I have chosen to share. I saw a quote earlier on facebook that said “create a life that feels good on the inside and doesn’t just look good on the outside”. Personally, I don’t feel that it is appropriate to portray your online life in a different light to your real life. As a so called “online influencer” it’s really important to me to keep this blog real and true.
KEEPING IT REAL…..
Lastly, I want to say, if you are suffering with mental health issues please don’t suffer alone or in silence. Reach out to someone for help whether that be your best friend, your GP or even a help line such as the Samaritans. More importantly know that there is nothing to be ashamed of and you are not alone in your mental health journey.